Titles. Lord knows we love them. I’m guilty of hoarding a few myself. In fact, in my not-too-frequent times of self-deprecation, I cling to “Christa McAuliffe Middle School’s Student Body President” and “Kappa Delta’s Funniest Sister Award,” because titles–especially as they pertain to our work–give us a sense of value and appreciation.
That being said, it can be alarming to peruse the trusty Interwebz and see the onslaught of individuals claiming some pretty lofty job titles in the realm of social media.
(Cue: Sideways cat stare…)
Come on, people. You know the types. They’re the “Social Media Scientists,” the “Social Media Marketeers,” (no, that’s not a spelling error) and the “Social Media Dragon-Slayers” (ROFLprops to Technorati).
Now that I see you shaking your head in concurrence, I’d love to divulge some of the most #SMH social media titles around.
- Social media guru – Are you really a master of all things web in concordance with the time-honored scripts of Indian religions? No, you say? Then enough with the false advertisement! Let’s leave all “guru” titles to those who truly deserve them – Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji, Buddha and Mike Myers.
- Social media magician – Although I often hear the line, “I love the voodoo that you do” (I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much!), there is, in fact, no witchcraft to my work. Rather, all it takes is monitoring updates to your social pages, having a keen eye on evolving social platforms, and a hell of a lot of time-management skill and multiple hat-wearing capabilities. (Okay, there’s way more than that, but a magician never reveals her secrets!)
- Social media vixen – Any woman (or confused man) that refers to herself as a “social media vixen” is begging for attention, probably sports a low-cut top in avatars, and, on the whole, probably shouldn’t be managing your brand’s reputation. Can I get an amen (and a shawl for this poor girl)? Note: The social media vixen is the daughter of the “social media lady of the night” – stay away from that bloodline.
- Social media rock star – While clients often tell me that I rock, I am admittedly no Yardbird. In fact, anyone who compares themselves to Jimmy Page in any way, shape, or form – especially as it relates to social media – should be taken out by a Black Dog. (See what I did there?) The only parallel I draw between myself and a rock star is that I can tickle the ivories (of my Mac) like Elton John.
- *Youth spoiler alert: Don’t let your children read this. Social media ninja – If you believe that Santa Claus can hit every house in the world in one night, then it makes perfect sense that you’d put your faith and hard-earned cash into the hands of swift, mysterious assassins who hustle the social media game and tweet on behalf of your business. I bet your parents taught you that one, too.
Now, I consider my team to be pretty knowledgeable on social media campaigns and initiatives, but I don’t go around knighting my fellow BLASTmedia countrymen and myself in the name of social media. It’s just poor form.
Therefore, I command you to expunge these superfluous titles from your brain. We as social media–well, whatever we are these days–don’t deserve them.
No, really. Take them back.
*Special thanks to Robby Slaughter and Chris Lucas for the additional #wtf social media titles.